I try, ohhhhh I try to get the girls napping at the same time. Sometimes it takes a little schedule manipulation, a feeding 30 minutes early, a hurried lunch, but when it works out, it is blissful.
It's rainy out. Not too cold, but cold enough that I have justified a fire. Just for me. And some Red Mountain Music with Sufjan Stevens peppered in. There's a basket of clothes that need putting away, a million baby doll accessories scattered about, dirty pj's, a little red Toms, and two sippy cups out of place. I spy a walker with a baby doll in it, a precocious tower of Magna Doodle stamps perched on the coffee table, and a "Very Hungry Caterpillar" puzzle that's been half worked for two days. On the rug sits a mixing bowl full of magnetic letters and a whisk to stir her "batter." Normally I'd call it a mess. Today, I call it signs of life.
I will be going back to work next Tuesday. Was it not just the other day that we met Littlest? That Little One held her for the very first time and when she cried, LO asked, "Does she not like me?" I have 5 more full days at home with my babies before I leave them to teach other people's kids. I have a severe case of heartache. When it was time to return to work the first time around, I curled up in the fetal position and cried for nearly 3 days straight. The anticipation is always greater than the reality. But still, my heart hurts.
And my brain worries that I just won't be able to handle this. We're still up lots during the night even if it is just for a paci. After careful calculation, it's looking like 5 or 5:30 will be the magical hour in which I will rise to prepare for a day of work outside our home, on top of those normal daily routines of laundry, cooking, cleaning, and loving my family. Women do this every day...with more children, no husband, and less sleep. I know that is true. But I have never done this. And juggling all these duties makes me a little frazzled. Grace, right? God will grant me just the right dose. I will be counting on that.
9 comments:
"Be still and know that I am God."-I cling to that when I am worn out to the core and wondering how I will survive. God provides amazing strength when we can't do it on our own. Motherhood is proof of that.
Bless you, friend. I'll be praying. Yes...give yourself lots of grace. Cling to Jesus.
Wanted to add that we'd love to play again when your life gets settled again after starting work. That Friday afternoon was so wonderful...
I am in the same boat as you right now. Two more weeks until returning to teach other children. I know it will all be ok in the end but it is scary. I just keep praying that after a long day at work I can come home and still be a good mother and wife.
Katie, everytime I visit your blog, it makes me reconsider my current opinion of--- I think I'm done having kids! You remind me of the sweet moments! the last picture (MT and the crying face) is too much for me to handle.
I get all of this, even the muffin on the toilet.
Your girls are too cute for words.
I feel ya, friend. Praying for you tomorrow and knowing that He's gonna give you that extra measure of Grace.
Hope you have a good day back at work tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you!
Oh, praying for your heart as you go back to work!
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