Sunday, January 15, 2012

Learning to Smile

We've had a rough go with things lately. Family things. While I don't want to be debbie downer, I also can't act as though things are all rosy, either. Briefly, two days after Christmas, my mother came down with pancreatitis, had her gallbladder removed, and spent 5 nights in the hospital. She's still recovering. And just this past week, my sister lost her precious baby. My mother went to be with her, and then made an 8 hour trip across a few states to celebrate me and Littlest with a Sip and See. Talk about a roller coaster of emotions. Mourning loss while celebrating life is a complex issue of the heart. I've had a hard time. I know I'm not the only one.


I've cried a lot. Over not being able to care for my mother while she was so sick. Over the loss of my sister's baby that has been prayed for and hoped for and dreamed for. Over the weight of being given the privilege to care for our own new baby- why me and not sister? Over holding our Littlest with open hands as she is not my own, but God's. Over my husband's love for hunting and my selfish, control-freak sinful heart response to it. This week was hard.



I'm pretty much ready to look back and say, "Oh. Okay. So that's what God was doing." I might not ever get to that place, but while I wait, I will take heart in what I do know....that He loves me and not a thing happens in my life or the lives of those I love, without first passing through his hands. That is something to smile about. And somebody around here has been doing just that.


9 comments:

Brenna Langham said...

Bless your heart! While I do not know you personally, I will be praying for you and your entire family. It sounds like to me that you all need God's arms to wrap around you and comfort you. I love your blog, and I always look forward to your posts. I pray that each day will get better for each and every one of you!

The Harless Family said...

love those precious pictures!! and so very sorry to hear about your momma and sweet sister. My heart is breaking for her and your family.. I will continue to pray for peace and love to surround you all. much love, ev

Emily said...

I am so sorry to hear that your mom has been so sick and that your sister lost her sweet baby. I know how much she has prayed for and hoped for that sweet baby, and I was praying for her too. my heart breaks for her and all of you. i will keep you all in my prayers, and ask God for his peace that passes all understanding. beautiful pictures of your littlest! i hope she's is smiling more and crying less these days :)

Sarah said...

Your sisters blog definitely made me cry the other day. My heart is still aching for her, so and I can't imagine how you feel as her sister. I had not thought about the fact that you are celebrating life and she is grieving loss...I'm praying for you both now. I think that the simple fact that you acknowledge this says so much about your love for each other. I am praying this morning for you both!

Ivy said...

Wow. Sounds like you have had a rough run of things lately. Been thinking about your sweet famiy!

The Walker Family said...

Just want you to know that I'm praying for your whole family during this trying time. Seasons of life can sure be heavy sometimes. Praise Him for that little sweet baby girl of yours. That picture of her on your shoulder is precious. Thinking about yall!!

The Rohman Family said...

Oh, just so, so, sorry for your family right now. I see a lot of Littlest's daddy in her in a couple of the pictures...I know that changes all the time in babies, but still :)

Sarah Barry said...

I was devastated when I read your sister's post. So sorry for everything that's been going on.

Brooke @ Blueprint Bliss said...

Thanks for your honesty... just what I needed to read to put things into perspective. I hope your Mom is feeling better. Thinking of your sister.